Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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