Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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