I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
