I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
