I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
