she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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