Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize