hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
