Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize