everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
