You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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