I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
