just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
