Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm too high and old for this...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
