I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize