I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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