I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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