I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
