Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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