He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
