At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
