Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
