I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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