Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
