Need sex. Gaining weight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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