My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
