I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
