there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
