Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
