I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
