Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
