i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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