I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
