im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I puked a lego.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize