I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
