She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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