he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Boobs speak an international language.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
