She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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