Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
