TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize