were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
