u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
