Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
