I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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