I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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