I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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