you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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