the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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