I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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