I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
