i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So drunk its hurt
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
