Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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