Your mouth is God's brothel.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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