I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
