went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
