So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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