If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
