FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
