If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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