perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
