you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
