Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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