you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
