Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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