So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
