Do you still have your period?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
