my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize