Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
