just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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