He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
