Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
