You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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