Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize