I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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