I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
