I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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