I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize