Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
